Am I alone?
Is it just only me or there is a club out there? After reading this, may be you can validate my parking spot on this planet earth occupied by the humans.
I am older than a quadragenarian. Of course, I will hide the exact age!
In my profession, my charges are more than the minimum legal wage.
Socially, I love to have a drink with friends and have out of control laughs on jokes which are at times biased or politically incorrect.
I watch stupid movies with family.
I jump and scream while watching Lakers basketball or the Super Bowl.
Sometimes, I have fun discussing my first crush in high school.
I pick my nose at a traffic signal if no one is watching.
When among people, if I need to release air pressure from my stomach, I do go aside and finish the business where other noise would suppress my natural alerts!
At a vacation with a chum, I told him my pee will go further than his, even at this age!
Though I am a regularly performing artist, singer, and a writer, I always sing very loud in the bathroom.
I do make funny facial expressions when I am alone in front of a mirror.
In professional meetings and during socials, my mind wanders all over. I myself feel “why do I get such thoughts?
These thoughts include imagining the people around me without cloths, telling the guy next to me that he has a body odor, urge to slap my boss, my customer, my banker, or a co traveler at times.
Many times wished I was four inches taller.
When I teach a college class, I exactly know what my students must be thinking of me. It must be the same as what I felt about my professors, some mixed feelings.
When I see teenagers having fun, I feel younger.
Many times I think what if I have a body of a twenty year old with my current savvy wisdom and maturity! Things could be so different.
I always wished I had a control to reverse the calendar and clock!
At the same time, I must admit I am happy in my own skin!
I always wish for the chance to talk to the dear ones who have passed and ask how things are up there… I feel like telling them “I love you and miss you”.
I specifically want to ask them if there is such a thing as life after death.
And definitely ask “by the way, did you meet anyone who saw the hyper-discussed heaven, hell, or the most desirable mokhsh yet?”
I tend to think there could be some great super God somewhere, but I do not have a tangible proof. I am not sure either way. But still, due to fear and faith combined, I believe, there must be a Godly power.
I get tears seeing others cry. I cannot stop smiling if others are laughing around me.
I get empathy towards sufferers and anger towards brutality and injustice.
Some days, I feel very strong. Some days I feel helpless for not being able to change things around me.
Am I alone feeling such?
September 23, 2022
e.mail : vijaybhatt01@gmail.com
