In our father-son relationship, clicking "like" button would have been rare, if we had Facebook when I was growing up. And I would not have dared to click "dislike" button even if one was available.
I grew up in a time when the rules were not written or psychologically researched for father-son relationship. They were just understood. I could neither "friend" my father nor could I "unfriend" him. Question of "blocking" him was out of question.
We did not have direct connection with each other. We both used a "server" which actually was at home, not at some remote location. My mother, she was always accessible without any "user ID" or "Password". She was the intermediary facilitating our communication. Honestly, life was so simple, usage of the word communication had not yet picked up its present day prominence.
In a way, that was the best arrangement. He was one of those persons who saw either white or black. Nothing in between. Every little misdeed of mine at the school, social or sports venues would be a big deal for him. Known for his short fused temper, he would explode even over a small matter like hanging out with a friend who smoked or stole fruits or vegetables from other people's farms for thrills. Characteristics, behavioral or otherwise that would blot the family name in the small town was not tolerable.
Mother knew him inside out. So when he would ask her after fourteen hours of hard work and busy schedule, how was I doing, she would "delete"or "trash" most of the annoying but normal teenage behavioral information and "forward" only "need to know" information required to discuss parental matters. She was a great "filter".
I felt at the time that my father could have used "Alternate, Control and Delete" buttons effectively to start all over. However, such thoughts about elderly were considered ill conceivable and disrespectful. A disciplined relationship demands a certain distance was the belief of the time.
We lived in a time when need to "update" the nature of the relationship in general and father son in particular was not yet recognized. The "version" of that relationship was updated for the whole life from day one. It was assumed to be unassailable by any "virus" or "spy wares".
When I think about those days, I look up, smile and say thank you father !
Thank you.
Because, my wife says I have turned out to be very much like my father. I take that as a compliment not criticisim and wear it as a badge of honor. What I am today is not because of his words, but because of the lessons he taught me in silence by his actions. His silence defined the words or phrases like hard work, honesty, integrity, self respect, loyalty to family and friends… And so on.
I have miles to go before I reach where he was as a human being. But on this Father's Day I would like to tell him.. Father, I still remember what you said the day I got married.
"I feel sorry for this poor girl. She does not know what kind of idiot she is marrying."
Not much has changed since, father. Just that I miss you. Miss you very much. Love you.
